Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Years at the Mexican Bar

Tonight it is blaringly obvious to me that I just don't belong here anymore. I love my friends dearly but I guess we are just in different places now.

I spent New Year's at a Mexican bar. I don't know why I didn't just stay asleep at home. I guess I just wanted to be around friends, somebody, anybody on New Year's

But a bar? Really? I mean that's not me. I tried to feign happiness but quickly gave up and just used the excuse of being tired for my lack of enthusiasm and cheerfulness. But really it just made me uncomfortable. That comfort level really got chucked out the door when some guy hit on me. Now, truth be told, on some level the attention was nice since I'm not exactly the kind of girl that guys are knocking down the door to get. However, mostly I was annoyed and wanted to punch him.

About a year ago someone prophesied over me that God would give me the grace to be able to minister to people in bars. I looked at them probably quite skeptical seeing that I'd never even stepped foot in a bar nor had the desire to. In the past week I've been in two, both times because that's just where we ended up while out with friends. Both times as I looked around I questioned how I could ever possibly reach out to others in this setting. I'm not sure I even want to honestly. It all seems quite repulsive to me. I do want God's heart for the people though. To be able to look at them without judgment.

Am I too uptight? Too religious and out of touch with reality? How can someone like me ever relate to others, I can't seem to even relate to my friends these days.