Friday, July 25, 2008

an update on life in random yet numbered form

For those who haven't heard all the recent updates let me give you a few things to laugh about:

1. About two weeks ago I found evidence of rodents making a playground out of my closet. Upon inspection I discovered a good size hole in the bottom of my closet, which of course in my opinion had to be taken care of right then. Since I was home alone that meant I had to do the handy work. One can of spray foam insulation, minus work goggles, later I was in the bathroom for 2o minutes rinsing out my eye. The spray thing got clogged, it went everywhere and conveniently missed the glasses and went into my eye. I managed to get it out myself but still had to make a trip to the eye doctor the next morning because of the irritation.

2. I'm now taking aikido lessons (a form of Japanese martial arts).
Amazingly this has not been the cause of any of my injuries so far, but has definintely caused more than a couple of laughs at my lack of balance and general clumsiness. Watch out world!

3. My latest injury happened this week and I'm still trying to get over it. I, apparently, pulled my calf muscle (a leg muscle) while playing the djembe (a hand drum) at church. I'm enjoying the irony of this one entirely too much. At least I'm off the crutches now but it's still being a pain.

4. Epsom salt blesses my life!

5. My desk has become World Race central and is covered with support letters, things to read, and a bunch of art supplies which recently feel quite neglected. (Steph I have not forgotten about your logo!)

6. I really, really, really miss the prayer room!

7. I think the Middleman is the best show on tv re-gosh darn it!

8. I'm supposed to be doing a yard sale at 7 a.m. tomorrow.... who wants to bet I'm not on time?!? :)

9. My new favorite workout dvd has become "Yoga for Wimps". How appropriate!

10. I can no longer think in sentence form so I must now retire to my bed.

Teach me to speak

Every once in a while you find yourself quiet before God and what He reveals to you isn't very fun. Instead you find it's very true and painful. And it's not revealed to you to condemn you and make you feel horrid, but to confront you with the truth so you will turn to Him and grow in your relationship.

The other day as I sat to just listen God spoke to my heart:
"You value the opinions of those around you more than the truth I am constantly singing over you. I am the good Father. I do not do things to make you fearful or embarrased. The things I ask of you are for your good."

As I dialogued with God over this issue, I came to realize that often I don't speak what's on my heart or do things I sense God is speaking to me because I don't want to offend others and I don't consider myself "skilled" enough to handle a not so positive reaction.

Exodus 4:12 "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." (NIV)

God has promised to give us the words if we will step out in faith to be obedient to Him. He is in me and that will not always make others comfortable, but it's because the light in us confronts the darkness in them.

Walking it out and overcoming the insecurity is like playing drums. When you want to learn you listen to those who are masters in the art and you take note of the inricacies of what they play - dynamics, timing, etc - and then you practice. Over and over and over and over. And you mess up over and over and over and over. Then one day you find you can play the rhythms and it just naturally flows.

Thursday, July 3, 2008


Sometimes in life you get news that flips your world upside down. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's not. Either way the world flips and usually your stomach does a few somersaults of it's own too. You get that shaky feeling that everything you know is about to change.

It is interesting the mix of emotions that can come with a single word. Just one word can bring laughter, sorrow, peace, fear, or any number of other emotions and they all come crashing together in a cacophony that overtakes all your senses briefly.

I had that experience this week. I opened my email and there it was "accepted".

I'm not sure what reaction I expected from myself, but I can tell you that I just looked at the screen, felt for my chair with my hand, and trembling sat down and just stared. Pretty sure I took a few deep breaths, swallowed hard, and opened it. I couldn't even read the email because I couldn't comprehend it.

I felt like Melanie in Sweet Home Alabama when Andrew asks her to marry him and she says, "Are you sure?" Possibly not the best of analogies since they don't make it, but you know what I mean. I think somewhere in me, all this time, I've been expecting an "I'm sorry, but no" or something. Then I could look at God and say, "Hey I was obedient. I did the process, not my fault they didn't accept me."

And so I'm sure He was wearing a huge grin when I saw that e-mail and I whispered, "God I don't know that I can do this." But isn't that true? I can't do it. Physical fitness and bold actions aren't generally my forte. Asking people for support is reallllllllly not my idea of a good time. But showing the world that there is an indescribable God that loves each and every one more than we could ever grasp is on my heart, no matter the amount of excuses I try to front.

So I draw encouragement from Moses. The man who first said he was no good at speaking and needed someone to go with him and speak for him, and who became the man that went up into the dark cloud of thunder and lightenings to meet with God face to face on behalf of a people God had chosen and loved.